My goal for the past few days has been energy conservation. Keeping in, creating it, maintaining it, observing it.

I find that my day to day existence challenges me to my limit. I am not saying this in a negative sense – because for each challenge, I realize that there will always be an eventual solution, and I will grow. Some of the challenges are interesting because they are challenges of simplicity. Having to sit by myself in my office, alone with my thoughts, work-less. Sitting in the dark and quiet in our house. Eating bread and banana for breakfast.

“You will simplify your life and reap great benefits” – the fortune cookie I got on Father’s Day this year out for dinner with my dad and grandparents.

Despite the simplicity, I am clouded. Melissa and I are confronted with the issue of safety. We have been informed that potentially where we are living is not the best quarter – although this is up for debate. We do live in a walled compound with lots of workers. I am clouded mentally about the next step we should take, moving again or not. It would be our third move in three weeks.

I am searching for a gut feeling, some energy to guide me. So my goal has also been to remain as emotionally neutral as possible in this process so I can more clearly see the answer in front of me.

During these weeks, I think a lot about the future. I think about returning home, and going to medical school. I look at what I see going on around me, and I wonder to myself what my role can be upon my return to Canada. What can we truly contribute in this situation? When the root issue is absolutely poverty? Can creativity (and not necessarily just more money) contribute to the fight against poverty and HIV/AIDS?

Is it really a fight we must have against poverty and HIV/AIDS? Or should it be more of an understanding of it, almost a collaboration with those two things. We accept that they are there, and learn ways to work with them. In hopes of forming a better, more manageable relationship. As I look at the lack of resources here, the dire circumstances in some situations, I am led to this thought.

Most importantly: as I move through these days, I am so grateful for all of the support I am receiving. From mat, family and friends. I feel very supported. And so lucky.

I am safe and sound – and still wishing for electricity!


~ by kcanderson on August 24, 2005.

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