It’s our last week of the project and we’re busy. Busy not only with project stuff, but also busy getting on each other nerves and being culturally inappropriate and misunderstanding people and souvenir shopping and picture taking. And wondering about the future of MedOutreach.

I have to say that again, I’ve been on the brink this week. On the brink of something. I feel a lot of emotions raging and ideas changing and thoughts forming, and somehow, I notice that I’m fighting them all back, just waiting for the end. There will be a lot of reflection in the next few weeks, on my behalf.

My sister asked me, “Will you ever join a team like this again?” I can confidently say no, that I must work more indepedently or with a team of my ideological and ethical choosing. One of my closest friends asked, “does this change your view of development?” No. I still think something must change. That short-term and externally driven is not, and has never been, nor will it ever be an answer. That “we” are not the answer for “them”, and that people are all the answers for themselves and ourselves. Drive the change from within. If that makes sense.

One place that needs a lot of driving for change is inside ME. Interpersonally, I have learned the most here. Learned how to deal with conflicting perspectives on touchy issues. Learned how to be upset and still work. Learned how not to quit. Learned how to stick it out. Maybe on all these fronts, I haven’t “learned”, but rather, I’m learning.

We are teaching this week, and I will write more about that soon. Teaching on puberty and sex and sexuality and condoms. We sure teach a lot about condoms and it sure is hard to take sometimes. Sure is hard to know what to say.

Miss you all and I can’t wait to get to the UK and then home!

~ by kcanderson on July 24, 2007.

One Response to “Hum”

  1. Sure look forward to knowing you are back home safe and sound but at the same time quite proud of you and your goals in life. I admire you very much and can not quite figure out how come you have not started writing your book or books yet. Must be because you are a busy lady with quite an awesome futur ahead of you .
    Looking forward to seeing you in Sept.

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